We chased the laser of yet another “animal attacks” movie this week, and the result was a hilariously bad, inept, and yet entirely watchable movie in the form of the 1988 horror flick Uninvited. The filmmakers set out to make a film about a genetically-modified cat but unintentionally ended up with a movie about the dangers of being on the open ocean with Gordon Gekko. If you crossed Alfred Hitchcock’s ‘Lifeboat’ with the budget from a Troma movie and then had seventh graders write the script, you’d have what ends up showing up on the screen in ‘Uninvited.’ It’s not the worst movie we’ve seen on the podcast, mainly because it manages to be charmingly bad. We managed to compare it to movie ‘Monster Dog,’ which we managed to do aaaaallllllll the way back in episode 5 or 6 of the podcast. The movie is available on Shudder, so if you think you’re a scholar of 80s horror movies and haven’t seen Uninvited, then you very obviously have some homework to do.
The plot is fairly simple complicated. You have a group of kids on spring break — of course — in Fr. Lauderdale, THE happening place to contract syphilis party like a rock star in the 80s. Rather than party at the beach, like any red-blooded American, the two main male actors — I have no idea who the main characters actually are, in this movie — they decide to go to the MARINA to meet CLASSY girls. Somehow, they end up running into Gordon Gekko and partying working as the crew on his yacht. (Cue the Michael McDonald.) Turns out, our debonair Wall Street tycoon is kind of a letch and definitely a murderer, so the plot kind of revolves around him trying to rape the girls on the ship, which could be a movie in and of itself. However, Uninvited is not concerned only with that plotline BECAUSE…
AT THE SAME TIME, there is a genetically-modified kitty on-board, and the meows / horrifying screams can be heard throughout the movie. The characters have no idea what they’re in for on all fronts and end up kind of having a showdown with the cat, but it’s mostly Gordon Gekko. Honestly, I have no idea how to place the plot of this movie into a simple box. I’m done.
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